you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
