Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
