Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
