So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
