Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
