yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
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you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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