Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
