It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
