You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
