yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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