i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
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i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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