I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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