Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
