she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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