Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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