Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
