kristin has been a bad kristin
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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