but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
