If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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