apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
this is an emotional support booty call
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
