Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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