I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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