hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
