Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
