There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just want to make out with him forever
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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