Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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