Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
