i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
