Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
