it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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