OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
