So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My ATM looks so different sober.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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