There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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