Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
