Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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