The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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