thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
