:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
