I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I touched a dick in church today
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
