i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can't trust your balls anymore.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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