I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
