Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
