he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
