You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
