these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
