I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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