please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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