do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
