I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
