Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
