I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
how drunk are you?
Several
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
as a side note pls kill me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
