no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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