your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
