I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
