how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
