So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I touched a dick in church today
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
