We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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