just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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