what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
