I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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