If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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