Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
as a side note pls kill me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
