smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
