3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
