69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
