Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
