she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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