you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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