Pappa wants mamma naked
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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