shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
