A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
