I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
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Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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