Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Buhtt sex?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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