He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
