oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
