Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
