it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
