Tell her she can't have a vagina
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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