I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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