Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
