there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I could fuck to npr.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
