Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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