yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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