Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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