Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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